The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We need to rekindle our bromance
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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