If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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