sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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