there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
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Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
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don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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