That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
