we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
