you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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