she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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