First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
