the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You were trust falling into bushes
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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