Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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