i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
