Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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