i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
