I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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