I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
