That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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