I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
