If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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