Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
