I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
