Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
