I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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