I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
