Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
