You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
