Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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