So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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