Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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