with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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