sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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