i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
