Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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