her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
