so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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