Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
