he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize