she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
