I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize