you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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