i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
