Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
