Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
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i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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