When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
