Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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