Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
