I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
