At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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