Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
