i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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