she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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