since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
