my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
