Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
