Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Damn victory sex feels great
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