People in love make me want to vomit
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Shame is for Republicans.