I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Houston, we have a squirter
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
