I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
