so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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