he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
