i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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