In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
