What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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