This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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