You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
