he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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