i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
