I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The feeling are messing with the penis
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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